I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
