3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
