It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
