i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
