put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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