1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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