ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
