You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
