The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
