...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
