Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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