Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
