Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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