Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
