So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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