you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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