hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
