4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish I could teleport
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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