I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
