in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
should my penis look like a turkey
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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