I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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