im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
