i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
