I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
