We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
