I think my vagina is haunted
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
