why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize