Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
