Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
