I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
