new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
