you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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