literally had 100 drinks last night.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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