Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
