he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
