ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize