He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Randomize
