I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
