i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
