Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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