So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
