I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
