So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
