I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
