every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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