sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
