Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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