i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
