Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
