Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
