We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
