Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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