I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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