names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
