my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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