i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My dick has a subreddit
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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