i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
