she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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