My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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