"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
