she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
