Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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