i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
