this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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