I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
