Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
