I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
