dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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