Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
