did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
