Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Alive.
So much puke
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
