Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
