Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
