In America we eat man semen.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize