there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
