She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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