I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
