That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize