as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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