two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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