marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
