life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
