now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
