If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
