I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
