god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
