i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
