i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
